Valentine’s Day brings out the worst in me. Ever since my boyfriend broke up with me on Valentine’s Day three years ago when I thought he was going to propose, I’ve hated the day and everything it stands for. I feel myself feeling physically ill whenever someone mentions the day. I even feel ill when February rolls around each year. I just can’t bear to be associated with it and if one of my friends tells me that they received a Valentine’s Day flower delivery, I might vomit. I know that’s a pretty strong reaction to a single day of the year, but I can’t stress enough just how heartbroken I was that day, and how much that pain has still lingered in my heart.
I wish that I could learn to live with my heartbreak and not hate Valentine’s Day. I want to be happy for people who are in love and celebrating their love, but it just reminds me of sadness so intense that I can’t physically stomach it. I often feel like I’m completely alone in this pain but then I remember that I’m not the first person to have a broken heart and I certainly won’t be the last. I’m also sure that I’m not the only one who was broken up with on Valentine’s Day when they thought they were being proposed to. I wonder how those people are doing now. Do they still hate Valentine’s Day too?
I hope that one day I fall in love again and am open to receiving flowers on Valentine’s Day. Maybe I’ll have to be eased into the concept of Valentine’s Day roses when that time rolls around. Maybe I’d like a yellow rose arrangement? Mount Waverley, where I live, has many florists around that sell alternatives to your traditional red rose, which I think I’d prefer given the unfortunate circumstances. Here’s hoping I can survive this Valentine’s Day and maybe even be okay with the wretched day by this time next year.